We had such a huge response to our Parenting Twins blog and podcast (over 600 downloads of the podcast so far) that we decided to elaborate on the topic of twins. ?What is it like parenting twins plus one, two, three or more? ?I have an old highschool friend Danielle who had two boys and when they tried for baby #3 they got twins (naturally not IVF). So now she has four boys! ?Listen out for my upcoming podcast with her!
Danielle and Matt with their four boys!
I met a mum at a birthday party a few months ago and she was lamenting about how her friends from her twins group just didn?t ?get? what it was like for her having twins plus a toddler. ?Then I met a mum down at the beach who was spoon feeding her twins in their double stroller. ?And sitting beside her were her three other kids all age 6 and under!!! My hat goes off to her -and all you parents of twins or more!
Here is a guest blog from one of our Canadian followers Sarah to give us some insight into life with a preschooler plus twins:
As a proud mother of three (a three that includes a set of two) its hard for me to admit this but my emotions were mixed when I found out that the second baby we were expecting was actually our second and third.? After months of trying we were finally pregnant for a second time. We were finally going to have the sibling we wanted for our soon to be three year old son.? Why then wasn?t I doubly happy to be to find out we were going to have two babies?
My initial reaction was one of worry ? worry about our first son Matthew (the irony of this, a second child myself, is not lost on me).? He would just be turning 3 when the twins arrived and I was achingly concerned about how he would feel. ?It?s natural for parents expecting a second child to be anxious about how their first child will react but with twins coming my concerns were heightened. My husband and I planned to do everything we could to make Matthew feel as loved as always and we were committed to making sure he had one on one time with each of us, but the truth, is I also knew that these babies were going to occupy a lot of our time and attention ? time and attention that Matthew was used to having all to himself. ?I was very aware that we would be outnumbered for the first time.
How did you react when you first found out you were expecting twins?
The other thing that surprised me is that I felt like the beautiful first year of bonding I had already pictured having with our new baby had been changed in a way I wasn?t sure I was ready for (or, initially, even happy about).? While I knew things would be different this time round because an older brother would be a big part of our daily routine, I had still imagined a calmness to the infancy of our second similar to what I had known when Matthew was a baby. I was used to being able to respond instantly to the every need of a newborn.? Matthew?s infancy had been blissful.? When we weren?t playing together, he was breastfeeding or napping on me, or he was happily nestled in our carrier as we went for a walk or as I got some things done around the house. How could I create that same bond with two babies?? I couldn?t ?wear? them both at the same time. I couldn?t bounce and lullaby my way around the house with both of them cradled in my arms if (when) they were both crying and upset. There were no guarantees I could even breastfeed them both. All these things were great cause for worry for me.
As our due date approached we did everything we could to make Matthew feel excited about having a brother and a sister on the way.? As a 2 ? year old he seemed to be applying the general belief among toddlers that more is always better (except when it comes to certain vegetables) and we played this up telling him he was so lucky that he would have two babies instead of the one baby most of his friends were having.
I was very fortunate to have an exceptionally easy twin pregnancy. I was able to be very active so Matthew didn?t notice a difference in how I played with him. The twins, Will and Pippa, were born at 36 weeks and were healthy and strong enough to come home with us after 48 hours so Matthew, who was home with two sets of adoring grandparents eating pizza and ice cream, barely had time to notice that we were gone.
In our first week together as a family of five we figured a lot of things out.? First and foremost, Matthew seemed to take to his role as big brother very naturally.? Some of the things we did to help this along included keeping him enrolled in his pre-school programme full time.? While I would have loved to have him home with me, dropping him off to spend the day with his little friends and enthusiastic teachers gave me time to focus on the babies.? When Will, Pippa and I went to pick Matthew up he was excited to see them (instead of resenting having to wait around while I breastfed and changed them all day).? It also meant that I felt OK giving Matthew some extra attention afterschool, after all, the babies had had me to themselves all day long. Once my husband got home from work we each strapped a baby in a carrier and tried to keep things as routine as possible for Matthew.? I remember several dinners where my husband and I stood bouncing and eating, each with a baby strapped to our chest, while Matthew happily chatted away (sometimes almost shouting to be heard over a crying baby or two) about his day at school or about what he hoped we could do on the weekend.
The other key thing that helped soothe my worries about Matthew?s adjustment was that my truly amazing husband agreed to take our just breastfed (but seemingly insatiable) babies every evening and juggle both of them (solo) as they sometimes wailed for 20-30 minutes while I tucked Matthew in, in the same relaxed way I always had.? Even though his bedtime happened to coincide with the peak of the babies? ?witching hour?, I didn?t ever want Matthew to feel rushed while we read stories or talked about his day.? This was the greatest gift my husband could have ever given me as a mother and I am sure it helped Matthew adapt to his changing world. Of course my husband and Matthew had their own chance to say goodnight undisturbed but it wasn?t nearly so trying for me since I had what the babies wanted and what my husband couldn?t provide ? a milk supply.
As for how I would ever form the same close bond with two babies at once ? of course it happened. ?I had to remind myself often that Will and Pippa didn?t know any different. We also decided early on that they we weren?t going to stress over getting them on synchronized routines. With an older sibling we didn?t want to be tied to a rigid at-home napping schedule that would divide our family on weekends with one parent staying home with the babies while the other was out with Matthew. As a result Will and Pippa learned to nap and feed on the go. I was happy that they weren?t always asleep at the same time. Sometimes their naps overlapped for a bit but more often one was awake while the other slept which gave me the time I craved alone with each baby. Of course it meant that day-time naps for me didn?t happen and it likely hindered our attempts to create a predictable night time schedule, but that?s what we did because that?s what we felt most comfortable with.
So now they are 6 and 3 and 3 and I?ve learned that I have more than one lap for reading stories (Will and Pippa define each knee as a separate lap and Matthew seems content to sort of drape himself around my neck by lying on the back pillows of the couch behind my head.) It?s perfect. Our three kids are wonderful friends ? helped by the fact that there is only three years difference from oldest to youngest(s).? I wouldn?t change a thing. Life is great with 1 + twins.
Thanks Sarah and family for your lovely story!
What are some strategies or systems that you suggest for life with twins or twins plus kids?
Related Blogs: ?Parenting Twins blog & podcast
Useful links: ?Circle of Moms has great Twin online communities. ?Like this discussion about what products twin mums ?couldn?t live without?.?Two bouncy seats/ bounciettes was a popular recommendation.
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